Looking Into The Future...

The exams are over. Finally.

I tried the best that I could, given my procrastination habit and horrible time organizing skills.

Now there's the results to wait for. In March.

Three whole freaking nail biting, nerve wracking months.

Oh, the agony.

Now everyone I meet (grown ups, especially! ) ask me,

"How was SPM?"

Or "Which college are you going to?". Or " What do you want to do after SPM?"

Now, here's the cue for me to smile and nod. Or shrug my shoulders and say " I haven't decided"

The adults will then talk about scholarships and colleges among themselves.

But the thing is, I really have not decided. I know that I do NOT want to pursue a medical career, because I hate anything to do with sickness, blood and gore. I get grossed out easily.

I did think about law, but all that memorizing laws and acts? Then spending the rest of my life confined to a desk job? Nahh. Or defending people in court? Now that sounds interesting! Except... I have to be fluent in the Malay language in Malaysian courts.


And Malay isn't exactly one of my strong points. Have you heard me speaking Malay? You'd laugh.

Then... arts? Great! But I am not the best in arts. And my parents don't really approve of a career in the arts. And I need a free flow of creative juices for a career in advertising, and I'm not sure whether I have that.

Writing? Hmm.. Sounds good. But.. am I good at it? Will I suffer writing blocks? Is my grammar good enough? I don't know, honestly.

I guess I need to do more research. Thank goodness there are three months to decide. Now I'm sorta thankful for that. Or I can always go into Form 6, I suppose, to decide.

Now, let's hopefully it will all be decided by then ....

Assertiveness. Self Confidence.

My add math teacher did tell me once, long time ago during an add math lesson.

You need to be more assertive, Jasmin.

I had just smiled politely and nodded. I hadn't really understood what she'd said.

I tried googling what 'assertive' meant, but I didn't find any explanation that I could understand. So, I just brushed it off as some teacherly advice after a while, and forgot all about it.

But, now, after a talk with my aunt about my cousin (he's currently in the U.S. ), the future, I finally understood what being assertive really meant.

Being assertive meant having self confidence, and being always sure about what you said or did. To be firm and not reply " I think.. " to something.

To be able to fight for your rights, for what you think is right.

Not just quietly submit and follow the other person's orders, even though you do not agree with it. To be able to voice out opinions and disagreements.

Not fearing what others think of you.

And then it struck me.

Lacking self confidence! Fearing what others thought of me. Being submissive. Not daring to voice out my true feelings, my opinions.

Those words are exact descriptions of...me. The total opposite of the word 'assertive' .

So, one of my resolutions, to change.

To be more self confident. Not to be easily pushed around by others. To be daring and brave. To be who I truly am.

YES, I CAN! :)

Sleeping Issues.

It's odd.

I don't feel sleepy on normal days, yet I sleep like a pig during exam week. I wonder how people manage to stay up really late?

I try, but when the clock strikes eleven, my eyelids start to droop, and then my reflex is to crawl up to bed and sleep for a little while. The next thing I know, it's 5.30 am and it's time to get ready for school.

The worst thing is, I took a nap earlier!

I'd absolutely promote studying as an proven effective cure for insomnia.

You'd be asleep in 5 minutes flat. Seriously.

It's natural. And it doesn't make a hole in your pocket either, cause all you need is a huge boring textbook.

Oh well, at least I think I've grown taller from all this pig-like sleeping. Well, according to my mom anyway.

Either that or the other person she's comparing me with is shrinking. Hmm..

Anyways, this holidays, I aim to actually do something. And NOT procrastinate, like I usually do. :(

During school days, I don't have a life. Every single day goes like this.

School. Eat. Homework. Eat. Homework. Sleep. Wake up. (and the cycle continues...)

And believe me, exam week is even worse.

So, its great to have a little me time. Finally.

* a long pause*

Well, after all the homework.

And assignments.

And studying.

And and....

Oh well, at least a little. Better than nothing. *shrugs*

Lovely Days. Wheee. ==

Ahhh.

What at first appeared to be a trip to the hair dresser's (pre-CNY) ended up with my hair hacked off. *breaks into dramatic sobs*

Okay fine, fine, I was exaggerating/acting. xD

I knew it was gonna be short, but I didn't know it was that short.

Still can't get used to it. Haha. XD



Life has been REALLY crazy.

School's started.

As usual, the schedule has gotten to a point where I can't even get adequate sleep.

Clubs and stuff's started, which means that basically, I have to stay back. Every single weekday. Especially with the new schedule, where sport practices finish at 5pm. And until May too.
Plus, the hugee homework load. :(

I swear, this load of work is going to make us grow old before our time. ><

And then, somehow the school has become a scarier place. New rules here, there, new everything. This work, that work. ==


Teachers/ grown ups waste no time in pressuring us to study for SPM in the not too distant future.

Anyways, enough of the rantings.

NOSE High School (Japan) recently came to our school for a visit. Andd....
It was awesome. But I guess there was a HUGE communication breakdown.

Me to Japanese partner : Heyy, you have Facebook? :)
Partner : Eh? Ah?
Me : Gestures to Facebook logo on phone.
Partner : Eh? Ah?


Hahaha. But the whole event was fun, really. :D

Let's Party Like A Rockstar. XD

Lalalala..

Ah yes, I'm back. After a long hiatus.
.
.
.
.
Okay, an extremely long hiatus.

Saw this bird perching on the side mirror of dad's car, and it's pecking at its own reflection in the mirror.
So cutee. <3

Anyway, that's beside the point.

It's just that, 2011 is less than 9 hours!
Time for a new year's resolution eh?


We're growing really old. Form 5s, SENIORS! The oldest kids (okayy, teens) in the school.
And basically, the stress is on us now.

*SPM!*

*College! Scholarships! *

*Get a good job! *

Rings a bell? :D

But then, there are things to look forward to. Likeeee.....

*Being Form 5? *

*Growing up?*

*Being able to drive soon?*


Anyway, Happy New Year!
Or should I say Happy New Year's Eve, since it's technically not 2011. Yet.


Wishing all you guys/gals there a very prosperous, lucky, wonderful, great, awesome new year! :D

It's A Worry-World

There was a time, where I would apologize non-stop.

Sometimes, even for no reason at all .

I guess, at that time, I was always worried about what people thought of me. I worried that, if I made a mistake, they would think badly of me, or get angry/offended even. You can say that I'm lacking in self-esteem and confidence. In fact,it got to a point until I think I annoyed plenty of people at that time. XD

The sorry habit faded mostly this year, but the niggling thought of "Oh, would they be angry with me?" still remains. And the worries increased. Schoolwork, parents' expectations, my own expectations, exams, well basically everything.

Sometimes, it gets soo depressing.

And, messing up is not an option. But, I still mess up. All the time. :(

And other times, you see a smiling face, but inside, the worrying sometimes is still there.

I guess I'm just a huge worry wart. XD

Haiyak! :D

Headaches.

They're soo annoying.

It's like an unknown stranger poking you repeatedly with a stick, except that you probably can get rid of the guy by giving him a big punch with your fist and a kick, Bruce Lee style.

A headache on the other hand, isn't so easy to get rid of. It will just keep going, like a sledgehammer working on your brain. :( And there is almost nothing you can do about it. Not even Bruce Lee.

I'd much rather have a stomach ache. That's how bad headaches can be. And somehow, it likes to attack me all the time, especially when I have gastric.

Hmph.

Anyways, was looking through newspapers, and I saw this particular book store that was advertising its book sale. Mentioning book sale, you'd think * Oooh, book sale! There must be VERY cheap books available!*

NOT.

Basically, its just a fraction lesser than its original cost. Like " Mini Shopaholic" 's original price was like around 65 bucks, and now its 'just' 50 bucks.


Yeah right, like that's cheap. It almost makes me want to cry.

Even during off-sale season, books are sold for like almost thirty bucks. Each. And that's only for books that are moderately thick.

Sigh. Books are sooo darned expensive here. :(